On Silence: Its Necessity and Goodness
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone” ~ Blaise Pascal
There are three voices that speak to you: God, Yourself, and the Devil. In a chaotic, noisy and tumultuous world, it’s not only hard to hear any of them but even harder to tell which one is which. Silence is not only necessary in our lives to spend time in contemplation but also good because it allows us to understand ourselves more deeply so that we may better serve God and live into the life He has blessed us with. In my own life, failure to sit in silence and contemplate the path I was walking on kept me from living fully into the present moment and even cost me a great relationship. However, through the silence I experienced after, I was made into a new man by the grace of God.
June 1st, 2021 was absolutely unforgettable. I had been awake since 4 am and the entire day had been nonstop. Work, class, errands, a workout, a church event, chores, and lastly, working on The Night Watch. New things were beginning in every aspect of my life. I can remember someone asking me how my day was. I replied, “Busy, but it feels good. I feel like I’m on the brink of something.” Little did I know, I was on the brink of collapse.
June passed passed all to quickly. School was in full swing, work was demanding despite not having many clients, and life in general had picked up. And yet, I felt utterly and completely unfulfilled. I came to dread assignments and work, hanging out with friends became an inconvenience, and my attention was so divided that I had no time at all for anything. Work and school began to overlap. Soon, I had to cut out everything I deemed “unessential” meaning no more runs or workouts, no church socials, no books for fun, and hobbies only on the weekends. I was losing sleep. I began to suffer. As all of this went on, I no longer made time for silence. Time and time again, I found myself so wound up and unable to sit still even for a minute. The noise was overwhelming. I had no destination but I was moving and fast. I had lost total control of my life, a tiny vessel tossed among the waves. The storm had just begun.
At the end of summer, a girl ended things unexpectedly before we could discuss what our relationship was. It was one of those situations so wildly unbelievable and unfair that it makes you question the very existence of God. I was so angry and upset because I had prayed so hard for it to come to fruition. Desperately needing to get out of the house, I went to hang out at my church. On my walk home, I ran into two friends who were talking about starting a fraternity. Their idea was to start a community to help young men grow in virtue and overcome vice, specifically chastity and lust, which was much needed on campus. And so, the fall semester began.
I met her in the best way possible. Some sorority girls were looking for help to move their greek letters onto the church lawn for a welcome event and stumbled into our meeting room. We happily offered our assistance. She introduced herself very enthusiastically. In the moment, I didn’t really think much of it. I was preoccupied with the start of new things and still letting current wounds heal so I let it be. Afterwards, the moment continued to linger in the back of my mind. Something about it just felt right, but it also scared me. It was so unexpected. As time went on, life got crazier. I had almost completely changed who I was. I started going out more and stopped worrying so much. For once, I felt secure in my own identity. I kept up with my studies but I realized that it wasn’t what I wanted to do. I realized the disruption it was causing and that I needed to let go. I started anxiously looking for a new career path and hoping that a good woman would come along too.
With the variety of skills from data analysis, GIS, and surveying, I had plenty of avenues to explore. Also, desiring to get married, I had to start making life decisions accordingly. One of my fraternity brothers had picked up The Dating Detox by Kevin and Lisa Cotter which was a 40 day devotional for reordering yourself to engage in romantic relationships as God intended. I was inspired by his testimony and felt moved to read it as well, but I became restless as the noise continued. I had been in and out of relationships over the last four years but they never made it past date two or three and never once were any of them official. I kept wrestling with the very idea of it all. I convinced myself it wasn’t necessary. It seemed like as soon as I started, I started meeting a new girl on a weekly basis. If only I had listened to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and stayed the course.
In early November, I went to a party with friends and for the first time in a long time I was excited about the future. There was the possibility of a career change and I met a nice girl. Yet, I made a complete fool of myself trying to make it all happen at once. Determined to not let it get to me, I cut my losses, changed course and set off at full speed for another pursuit: a date with a girl at my church who was also working on her masters. She said yes, and I was counting on this. Then, she backed out. I became jaded. I woke up the next morning determined to become an absolute unit. No more women, no more alcohol, lifting or running every day, and devotion of all my time to becoming a better analyst, reading books, or learning new skills. I set out on the warpath and I wasn’t looking back. Then, God blessed me in the best way possible, but I was in no place to receive it.
At a campus-wide church leadership dinner in December, I ran into the girl from the sorority again. I hadn’t seen her all semester and I was honestly quite surprised. Not only did I see her again, she and her sorority sisters sat with us at our table. The whole evening was different. I was at ease. I felt as though the last three months had been a bad dream and I had finally woken up. After the dinner, I asked for her number. A few days later, we had our first date, then a second one, and soon I asked her to be my girlfriend. Life could not have been more perfect except for the fact that I had not prepared myself to live into what was happening.
There was one last element of chaos that I had brought into my life. I had applied for a year long mission trip to Bolivia, and I had done it on a whim. One Sunday afternoon, I stumbled upon a pamphlet advertising it and thought “Yes, if God is asking me to surrender to Him, then this must be how I am to do it.” It felt crazy, but I was determined. It was all I talked about for a month. When my girlfriend and I were talking about it, she encouraged me to go. I was in search of some grand adventure without realizing I was living out one in the everyday ordinary.
Then the doubt crept in. The Devil had me in a chokehold and was whispering a myriad of lies into my ear.
You aren’t ready for this.
You don’t deserve this.
Are you sure this is what you want?
You are better off alone.
Weren’t you happy with where you were at?
You haven’t keep the promises you made to yourself.
I began to listen to it all. I also filled the silence with my own noise too. I was too prideful to let go of my own pursuits and too confused to discern the Devil’s voice from my own. I had not taken the proper time to make room for what was to come. I was holding back from the life I was called to live. I didn’t want to surrender. I wanted to be in control. Meanwhile, God was speaking, “Be still, my beloved son, with who I am well-pleased. You are doing good work in My name and I will bless you in new ways each and every day. Live now in the present moment and trust in Me.” But, I couldn’t hear it, and I let the relationship fall apart.
However, it was not all for nothing. In the coming months, I was awoken to my brokenness, poverty, and disarray. I spent hours in the quiet of the night wrestling with it all but also seeking counsel and healing. Time and time again, I gained new knowledge, wisdom, and advice. My insomnia became rampant so I passed the time working on leatherworking or art projects and listening to podcasts. In the silence, I was made into a new man.
There are three things I do that to practice silence:
- Sit completely still in my living room for 30 minutes to an hour 1–2 times each week. This was a recommendation to me and it comes from the writings of Blaise Pascal in the quote above. Perhaps the most difficult at first, but the easiest over time. I normally spent mine some time in the midweek after a long day of work. It forced me to confront what I was most afraid of, what I had been neglecting, and what I had done wrong. It also gave me the space to rebuild my hope, recognize how I could improve, and what the good I was capable of.
- Spend 10 minutes on my back porch every morning and evening. This was the easiest to start, but hardest to maintain. It is essential to prioritize this each and every day, and to be consistent. I use this as my time to pray. I also let it be a time to forgive myself each night and recommit each morning.
3. Spend one night alone uninterrupted. There is nothing easy about this one, but that’s the point. I try to schedule it on the same day of the week but I find it’s just as fruitful if it’s not. The point is to be lonely and to recognize the cause of it. From that loneliness and stillness, there is a deeper movement in your soul towards something. Pay attention to it. This is where God speaks to us and calls us into life. I turn my phone off, get off my computer, and occasionally put on this album to for a little ambience. I dedicate the time to the mundane tasks of the day but also reading or journaling. It doesn’t matter what you do so as long as you spend some time in self-reflection and you’re not just distracting yourself. I know this might look different for everyone since some of you might be married or even have children and others, roommates, but I still encourage you to get creative and give it a try if this is your situation.
Though our lives may be chaotic and full of noise, silence is essential. In the silence, God speaks to us, we begin to understand ourselves, and we can be made new. There is nothing you have to do. The Lord will fight for you; you have only to keep still.
Joseph Mohr is an Analyst, Catholic, Athlete, Stoic, and, most importantly, a Floral Enthusiast. He graduated from Texas A&M in 2019 with a B.S. in Human Geography but quickly became an aspiring polymath. He currently works as a data analyst in the urban planning sector and runs The Night Watch, his personal brand dedicated to fighting the good fight. In his spare time, he enjoys studying art, architecture, cartography, psychology, and language, and is a lover of running, lifting, drawing, nature, and chicken sandwiches.
